Self-consciousness usually occurs when you are focusing intensely on yourself. You are concerned about what others think of you and struggle to get past that image. It could be set off by something as simple as you walking into a room and tripping over or introducing a friend to someone whose name you have forgotten. That feeling of embarrassment soon leads to self-accusations of being forgetful, clumsy, silly and incapable. Then you reinforce those names every time something goes wrong and before you know it you are in a vicious circle of personal attacks that erode your self-esteem; a slippery slope to a place you don’t want to go.
So what is it that brings about this obsession of self-consciousness? Quite often it is worrying about what others will think of you, how they will perceive you. People tend to write other people’s scripts for them reinforcing their own thinking with phrases like ‘I know he thinks I’m stupid’ or ‘everyone is looking at me like I’m an idiot’. The truth is most people are too busy obsessing about their own mistakes to spend too long worrying about yours!
It is important to create and acknowledge successes in your life, no matter how small they may seem, as these will provide confidence building bricks that confirm your abilities, keeping you focused on what you can do. And the more of these bricks you have the less self-conscious you become when things do not go according to plan. You learn how to dust yourself off and not labour the point for too long. You may even learn to laugh these moments of self-consciousness off (I experienced this recently when I went running and slid along the gravel path, removing a few layers of skin… hurt like hell but I lived and managed to share the story with a degree of humour)!
So the easiest way to reduce self-consciousness is to stop focusing on yourself in a way that does not make you feel good – ex. ‘my hair’s a mess’, or ‘I’m hopeless at remembering names’ – and redirect the focus to an external force – ‘where’s the local hairdressers?’ or ‘I wonder what techniques there are for remembering names?’ Ask any question that takes your thinking away from you. This is something you can practice whenever you feel yourself being overly self-conscious, just being able to think beyond you in that moment.
Published by YvonneB
A catalyst for change, Yvonne Bignall is a breath of fresh air in the extraordinary way she helps women 50+ to reconnect with life & their innate power through radical self-care, guilt-free!
She supports, encourages, and inspires women to prioritise their health, one bitesize action at a time. Her work is challenging as it navigates through difficult conversations, listening & observing how women’s health issues have been:
❊ Under-resourced &
❊ Swept under the carpet
She helps women to recognise & unpack old scripts that still (sadly enough) tell them that their value derives from their level of caregiving of others, their output. The truth is it is the input, the ability to resource self, which provides women with the energy required to realise their true potential.
Along with her team, she explores the thoughts, behaviour & habits, often born out of guilt, gender expectations, and reinforced narratives, with curiosity (not judgment), discarding the unhelpful, whilst reclaiming innate power through the creation of new patterns, restoring a sense of self, outside of societal expectations. In her opinion, this allows women to:
✔ Develop an elevated level of self-awareness
✔ Build / rebuild their confidence & self-belief
✔ Value all of who they are and invest time in who they want to be at their best
A self-care warrior, an encourager & inspirer, Yvonne is today an award-winning Women’s Health Advocate, Published Author, and an International Presenter. She is also a Radio Show Host and a Podcaster.
Yvonne is focused on building a community of women, www.PermissionToThrive.online, who are ready to reclaim their right to self-care, guilt-free, and who prioritise their health without apology, role-modeling behaviour & habits that inform generations to come of their true value.
She also advocates for self-care over burnout in the workplace, delivering practical webinars in the corporate space. In her own words, “It is time for employees to prioritise their wellbeing. How will they deliver their best work without it?”
One of her favourite quotes comes from Eleanor Brown, ‘Rest and self-care are so important. When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow. You cannot serve from an empty vessel’
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2 Comments Add yours
Great post! It’s funny that so many of us worry about what others might think of us all the time, even strangers who we do not even know. I think it would be best to ease up on ourselves and not expect perfection. Really, few of us are dealing with life or death situations all the time. Why be so serious all the time? Learning to laugh at our mistakes is probably one of the best things we can do for ourselves. No one is perfect and remember, even the most accomplished person puts their pants on one leg at a time!
Totally right Susan! We spend far too much time wondering what others think of us or say about us. Life is for living, laugh out loud and learn from mistakes… they serve a purpose!