Even with all the best ideas in the world, if you let this one thing take a solid hold you will 
look at those ideas and shudder at the thought of taking action. It’s time to… Confront FEAR
Fear is the one thing that can stop us from achieving, from believing, from aspiring… this one 4 letter word.
And yet it is:
False
Expectations
Appearing
Real
I have spoken with a number of women who ‘stay within their comfort zone‘, quite often because they have preconceived ideas about how other people will react if they should suddenly do things differently. This is just one area of ‘fear’ – other people’s expectations.
When something is new, fear can also sky-rocket. The thought of ‘looking silly’ or ‘failing’ just stops you in your tracks. Do you see the false expectations in that thinking?
You are unique, a gifted individual and you have rights. Without stretching the boundaries of your comfort zones how can you truly know who you are and what you are capable of?
Top Tips for managing Fear:
- Stop viewing things going wrong as a failure. Failure is when you hit a brick wall and don’t bother to rise up again. You cannot fail if you keep on persevering
- Being rejected, be it from a job, relationship or friendship is a sign to move on. It is hurtful, it can cause you to temporarily become inactive but as long as it is only temporary, that’s fine. Take time to realign who you are with what you want (not what you don’t want), look for the lesson in the rubble, understand it and move forward, stronger and with more understanding
- Break every goal or action step down into manageable pieces. Better to do a small deed every day than attempt to take on the world in a day. Each small step will build your confidence and motivation
- Keep your eye on the goal – make it visual, remember why you started the journey; see the end picture of you crossing the line and the life you will have thereafter…
- You don’t have to fight the fear, accept it as a normal part of growing and developing because for most people it is!
So to all of you wonderful women out there, stand up and be counted, let your voice be heard and when you feel fearful… just do it anyway!
Four letters versus you = no competition!
Live Blissfully
I love the F.E.A.R. acronym Yvonne! I think people expect too much of themselves. Things are always going to go wrong, but so what? They go wrong for all of us. Who said we need to be perfect all the time? And of course, when we are engaging in a new activity, it is simply silly to expect perfection. The important this is, when things don’t go as planned, to dust ourselves out and get back up in the saddle!
Thanks for your comment Alexia and you totally get it! It’s okay to make mistakes, in fact I encourage it… it’s all part of the learning process.
I have a fear of relationships and intimacy. I would love to be a parent someday, but am so relationship shy it might never happen. I really don’t know how to overcome this. Giving myself a pep talk isn’t going to help.
When you say you are fearful of relationships Hillary, what does that mean? What is it that brings up the feeling of fear. It is important to identify what it is about relationships that you attach to fear in order to make the change.
Are your fears based on previous experience? Usually when we have a good or bad experience in an area of life we automatically refer to it (like a reference point) when a similar situation arises. Therefore if you have previously had a ‘bad’ (whatever that means to you) experience in a relationship or even a difficult conversation with someone you really liked, it is likely that you keep on tapping into that scenario when a new opportunity to meet someone comes your way. and by tapping into that scenario you are bringing up those same fears again and again.
It is necessary to create a new set of beliefs around relationships in order to bring the change that you seek.
A good book you might want to read is He’s Scared, She’s Scared: Understanding the Hidden Fears That Sabotage Your Relationships by Stephen Carter and Julia Sokol (available on Amazon). You might want to consider some life coaching if speaking with someone is a better fit for you. Just don’t give up… you deserve so much more.