As children the majority of us, I like to believe, had the care and support of our parents. They loved us, took care of us, helped us to avoid some of live’s pitfalls and if we were really fortunate, they also picked us up and dusted us off when we messed up (yes, mine did a lot of that!)
And then one day we get the urge to ‘do things our way’, to step out and be the decision maker in our lives, to be fully independent; a positive step towards self-discovery. However having spent much of our lives being moulded by teachers, bosses, partners, children, friends and just about every other type of relationship we have experienced, makes becoming independent a bit of a challenge.
All the relationships you have ever had and have, teach you a multitude of lessons, some of which do not serve you well when not thought through fully. For example, when you are hurt or upset by a relationship and you seek ways to externalise all the blame, never taking your share of responsibility. This puts you in a constant victim state. Or when things go awol and you leave it to the other person or party to handle the fallout; reinforcing avoidance behaviours and feelings of not being capable.
So striding out on our own and having to take responsibility is a whole new playing field.
How do you make the transition?
It all starts with acknowledging your own thoughts, your behaviours and the way in which you make decisions. Where once you would wait for others to do things for you or copy others because it was ‘easier’ than having to think, you begin to create beliefs that are truly your own, born from your experiences, interpretation and understanding of the world around you.
And as you learn to take control of the steering wheel of life, confident in your decisions, you become more independent and happy; making choices that you want as oppose to those others want for you, accepting that any wrong turns are your responsibility.
Be Fully Independent
If you learn to live in a non-reliant way you will also learn to take responsibility and stop setting expectations on others then feeling let down when they don’t fulfil them. There will be times when you require the help of others and that is not a sign of weakness; it is a sign of maturity. But always remain responsible for the outcomes.