Common Statements About Confidence
Confidence is a wonderful skill. It enables you to do things without constantly worrying about the outcome. It doesn’t mean you don’t care about the outcome but you have assessed the worst and stayed focused on the best. These two things can help you build your confidence when practised daily; assess the worse possible outcome but remain focused on the best possible outcome.
I hear a lot of statements about confidence, statements that do not serve a higher purpose but are in fact poor anchors (anchors are the beliefs we hang ‘stuff’ on) that are based on the past. Clearly, our pasts affect how we think and what we believe in but we have a choice; to hang on to the old stuff that has long since stopped serving us or find better ways of thinking and being.
Here are some common statements I have heard with a ‘flip it on its head’ tip from me:
- People are born confident
It is not something people are born with, it is something people develop. When you see people with confidence it is likely that they have either had very positive forces around them encouraging and nurturing their confidence or they have practised the art of being confident. Therefore you just need to make the decision to be confident and then find the resources and support to help you develop it!
- Once you lose confidence that’s it, it doesn’t come back
Choice, everything is a choice. If you choose to believe that someone or something can take your confidence away from you then your thought will manifest itself as a truth. However, if you decide that, regardless of life’s twists and turns, you are going to pick yourself up, brush yourself off and move forward with confidence, the universe will sing your praise and bring forth the circumstances to support your desire.
- If I were confident I could do anything
Arguable! Confidence will provide you with the ability to try anything knowing that if it doesn’t work out as you had visualised it’s okay, at least you gave it a go! It does not mean that everything you do will be done well, you will just be brave and bold enough to give it a go… and that’s what counts!
- I have no confidence
It is unlikely that you have no confidence at all, more likely that you lack it in certain areas of your life. Divide your life up into sections; social, work, spiritual, family, friends, wealth, health, etc – in which area(s) of your life do you feel most comfortable? Where do you not worry about what other people think about you? In that moment your confidence is probably very much alive and it is that feeling you want to work to duplicate in the other areas of your life
- Lack of confidence stops me from doing the things I want to
You stop you from doing the things that you want to! They may seem out of reach, beyond your capabilities or, perhaps, the desire to attain them just isn’t high enough for you to want to go for it. Also, there is the possibility that actually in achieving something you then have a level of success to live up to and that can seem daunting. Create a list of the things you believe confidence is stopping you from doing, next to each one write why your confidence stops you (fear of the unknown, fear of failure, etc) and then next to that write down what you would have to do to change your thinking because FEAR is FALSE EXPECTATIONS APPEARING REAL.
- No one believes in me so how can I have confidence
There is no one in the world who can ‘give’ you confidence, it comes from within and it comes with practice. So even if you are surrounded by naysayers you still can choose to be confident. It is more challenging, no doubt about it and maybe you need to find someone or a group of people who will be supportive and encouraging, but it is your decision to want it enough that will make the difference between having it or not.
- You have to be confident to be successful
You just have to be good at acting it out at first! Having met some very successful people it has become clear that confidence, for them, has been an acting role. They have acted confident based on people they admire, often with such intensity that others looking in at them have assumed they are confident. Confidence is a great skill to have for success but also know that the more success you have the more your confidence is likely to grow. Getting started is the key and having faith will allow you to accept the outcomes of your efforts.
- My children can’t be confident if I’m not
They can of course but like everyone else, they need role models. If you do not believe that you have enough confidence to instil in your children then help them find good role models to mould their confidence from. Role modelling is a great way of developing confidence, just make sure the role models have the kind of values you would like your child to adopt… knowing that they will find their own way when the time is right.
- I struggle to find anything to be confident about
You are here, you have lived daily, you have experienced good times and tough times, as have most people.
Be confident that you can survive through bad times because you have before.
Be confident that there will be more good times, even if the current situation says otherwise.
Be confident that your children will love you, even if they often say things to the contrary.
Be confident that you are worthy of this life, that is why you are here.
Be confident that you have more answers inside of you than you can begin to imagine; you just have to take the time to tap into them.
These are just a few reasons to be confident and I am sure you could create a far lengthier list if you looked closely at all your achievements in your life to date.
Role model, Practice, Become…