Sadly, these are words I have heard too many times in my coaching practice, not always formatted in these exact words, yet leading to the same meaning, “I have no value” or “I don’t see my value.”
With so many expectations factored into the role of what it means to be a woman, and reinforced through media, dictating how to be the best wife, partner, mother and beyond, it is hardly surprising that when we fall short of the standards, we are seen as ‘less than.’ Add to that the discomfort of acknowledging our personal needs, and instead dismissing them to avoid further name calling, is it any wonder self-care goes out the window?
Who has time for it when the time needs to be spent on doing right by everyone else, trying to gain points that lead you towards those irrational hard-wired expectations?
We have literally been brainwashed into believing our worth is based on everything outside of self. That without the designated role titles and the fulfillment of all their related tasks, we have no purpose. We can be discarded and replaced without a second thought. And that we would even consider focusing on ourselves is a sure sign of self-centred, selfishness. No, our needs are to be swept under the rug, hidden, forgotten and not discussed.
For anything to change WE, women, must stop conforming. We must get comfortable with the uncomfortable conversations that enable us to see the frameworks put in place to keep us small, that reinforce our lesser status. Because every time we fail to do so, we are fanning the flames. We are making a rod, not only for our backs, but for the women coming up behind us.
And there is a bigger threat we need to acknowledge and action; the demonising of women who choose to break free from the status quo, who decide enough is enough and lean into their innate power to live life beyond the expectations.
Too often, these women are hounded & demonised for breaking away from what has become the norm. Instead of being supportive & encouraging, women call them out & shame them, telling them what bad mothers they are, asking why they aren’t obedient to the system. causing constant worry to those wishing to put themselves first for fear of what others will say or do.
We need more compassion and kindness, less competitiveness and comparisons. Comparisons sabotage confidence, devalues self-worth and extinguishes our unique being, feeding into the undeserving rhetoric created to keep us small.
We can and must do better. If nothing else, we need to support the choices others make, even if they are not the ones we desire.
If we are not willing to raise each other up, who will? In the UK women are approximately 51% of the population and in many countries, they represent 49-51% of populations. With that amount of presence how can we continue to accept the inequalities, the imbalances in treatment?
How can we put our wellbeing to one side to hold up everyone else when we need to have the strength and capacity to be all we are created to be and fulfill the potential bestowed upon us?
We are in a position to have a massive impact in our world, and it begins with us acknowledging our innate value, replenishing our cups so that we can help others from a place of power, and contribute in what ever way we feel empowered to do. We do not have to meet a set of expectations to be of value. We are int!
So, let’s focus on coming together, linking arms, and doing things differently. This will require community and connection. This will require unity and a ‘yes we can’ attitude.
Are you ready?
Join us in Permission To Thrive – www.permissiontothrive.online
Join us in G100 UK Healthcare & Wellness Wing – G100
Equality – https://www.womensequality.org.uk/why-we
Comparing sabotages confidence
Comparing unfavourably devalues self & leaves you feeling less than
Comparing extinguishes your unique being.
You don’t deserve time to self-care, you are not worthy of it
People please, dish out yeses and undermine your health to get validation and recognition to feel valued.
It doesn’t have to be this way!
With love, YvonneB x